I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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