Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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