I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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