Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
