i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
