just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently you make a good broom.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
