When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
