I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He passed out mid-signature
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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