Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
