Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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