Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
