remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
