I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
