A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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