we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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