I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Help. Why am I so naked?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
