I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
