He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
