the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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