it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
