I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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