PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
