whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
