The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
