I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
