Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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