matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize