That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
