You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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