I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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