I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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