the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
