The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
