no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There r osticjed everywhere
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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