Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm getting married
To pizza
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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