Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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