oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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