I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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