Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
