I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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