i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
