I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
