Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
