What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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