census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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