can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
