I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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