She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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