We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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