So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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