he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
