I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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