you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
