there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
