Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize