I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
