i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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