And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
