I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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