I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
