i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize