i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
