i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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