Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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