Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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