i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
