If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
try to milk me bitch
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