The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
