i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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