New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
