Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
