oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
