i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
