you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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