I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do herpes really smell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
