Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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