End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
