You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize