tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
