She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wear drunk well.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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