I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
