i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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