i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize