So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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