White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
