I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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