Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
