Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want a musical about memes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
