I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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