I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
