walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
