I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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