i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
