She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize