This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
