the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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