i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
