Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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