Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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