after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
