Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
