If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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