my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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