why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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