I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
