I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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