That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
don't judge my taste in strippers
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
