There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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