I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
