i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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