there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
